On-line Quote


“I can't even spell fackeltative, let alone underwrite it”
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RAQ (Rarely Asked Questions)

I'm getting an error message, what does it mean?

It means you are an error. Erase yourself at once.


I am JAVA-enabled on the Netscape 4.01 browser, but when I switch to a LAN integrated X-Pox 490i download, I have to defribulise the main XY Applet co-ordinates, and disable Version 142e of the Runtime application. Should I just reboot the hard drive to re-install the KKL21/E operating environment?

Oh, get a life!


I have recently installed an anti-virus product, and am now unable to view your website.

So?


I have recently purchased a new computer and have yet to assemble it. As a result, I am unable to view your website. Can you help?

No.


The sun has been reflecting off my monitor so I have turned the monitor to face away from me. This has solved the glare problem but now I am unable to view your site. Can you help?

Good grief.


Yesterday I had laser eye surgery in both eyes. I am now unable to view your site. Can you help?

Oh god.


I am a complete Luddite and technophobe, and do not, thankfully own a computer or any other communication device of any kind. I am unable to view your site. Can you help?

Nurse!


Your site made me so angry I was forced to put my foot through the display screen. I am now unable to view your site. Can you help?

Quick, the drugs are wearing off.


Is your site secure?

I wouldn’t bank on it.


Is your site protected against Trojans, Viruses and Worms?

No, but we’re pretty confident about Ancient Greeks, Tropical Diseases and Woodlice, (and Avian Flu), if that helps.


Can I get regular riskbitz email alerts, pop-ups, podcasts, webcasts, CDs, videos, tee-shirts and DVDs?

No


Is riskbitz unfunny or is it me?

No and yes


Would my boss be cross if he/she knew I was looking at riskbitz?

Maybe – is he/she a Unitarian, a Frutarian or a Caesarian?


Are Bart and Todd American, because their names sound American

No


Are they British?

Yes


Is either of them Scottish?

No


Do they have any hobbies?

Bart does. He collects mortality tables


Mortality tables?

Yes


Todd doesn’t have a hobby?

No. He doesn’t have time


He doesn’t have spare time?

That’s right


He does riskbitz 24/7?

That’s right


He must get tired, with all that typing?

That’s right


Ah, here’s me bus, cheers, bye

So long (Nutter)

 

 
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