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News: News in Brief


Latest Brexit resignation

Mocha Re’s Chief executive and chairman Sir Norbert “Nobby” Johnson, has stunned the reinsurance world by announcing his immediate resignation following the Brexit referendum result last year. He told staff he had given it a lot of thought over the last couple of hours and had decided that he could not carry on leading Mocha Re in this post-Brexit period of uncertainty.

A Nob

“I was planning on retiring in a few years’ time, and spending my remaining days in Tuscany at my home there. I now realise that this will be severely impacted by Britain being out of the EU, with the possibility of my forced repatriation to Surrey, where Chianti will double in price, and Cognac will go through the roof,” he said.

“If Lady Johnson and I were able to stay in the villa, my pension will be worth half its value thanks to the weak pound. And I expect passporting rights for our two Labradors to travel freely to Europe will also be curtailed. So I’m getting over their sharpish while we’re still in the EU and try and enjoy what I can and hope for second referendum,” he explained.

When asked what he thought Brexit would mean for Mocha Re and the London market, Sir Nob said he didn’t really care. “Clearly they are all buggered. Still, rather like Gove, Boris, Cameron and Farage, it’s not my problem,” he said.

Pressed for a solution, he told RISKbitz that the only option was to open the Thames Barrier, wait for a flood, allow the City of London to become an island, and declare itself a self-governing dependency of the Crown within the Commonwealth, like Guernsey and the Isle of Man, and then apply for EU membership.

“Either that or just move everyone to the Netherlands. Or Dublin. Or Bermuda. Or Tuscany. I’ve heard its lovely there this time of year,” said the Nobster.


 

Disrupt or Die you losers, insurers told

“Disrupt or Die Demo Day” (DoDDD) is the name of a new bootcamp dedicated to woodshedding disruptive technology for the insurance market. Threatened by non-traditional competitors such as Uber, Google and Greggs [are you sure about that last one?], insurers need to take the tech battle to the enemy by embracing new apps and products that target so-called generation X millennial consumers.

After spending literally minutes traipsing around a vast exhibition centre picking up freebies and being mugged by tech sales geeks who’ve drunk too much coffee, RISKbitz tech corro has selected DoDDD’s must-have products:

BrasilNutz, is a mobile micro health insurance product for as yet undiscovered indigenous native tribes of the Brazilian rainforest who have no concept of ill health or insurance come to that;

ShizzBizz, an online price pipeline and booking drain for the plumbing sector that’s also a personalised home catastrophe insurance portal;

RegWristWatch, allows insurers to simplify the management of their entire regulatory compliance dashboard on a single platform bench controlled by the CRO on his/her smart watch

EyeSpyMaison, is a provider of virtual home telematics solutions that allow perpetual business travellers to remotely turn the heating down whenever their spouse turns it up and to make sure they’re not having an affair [what’s this got to do with insurance? Ed]

FitUpApp, always connected underpants and string vest that helps health and life insurance companies generate policy exclusions in realtime by sourcing data from policyholders’ wearable technology. Dry clean only

iCede2No1, online retention level monitor for reinsurance buyers that replaces brokers with a handheld device. Made from toughened glass to withstand being thrown across the office in hard markets

droneON, similar to Skype, a networked teleconferencing solution that simulates any CEO’s keynote address for conventions and awards dinners. Simply enter a few buzzwords, desired speech length and bullshit level.

“Global insurance companies are entering the same digital transformation cycle that banks began just before they started going bust. Now that they have stopped spending on tech we need some other mugs to keep us in business,” DoDDD organizer Debbie Hardrive told RISKbitz over a drink or two on expenses.

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Innovate or check into Dignitas: your choice, CEO warns

The insurance industry will become irreverent if it fails to enervate and embrace new technology, according to an after dinner speech made by Hapless Insurance CEO Sir Cuthbert “Cutty” Sark at the Insurance Institute of Insurers annual dinner in London. The You Tube video of Sir Cuthbert’s predictions on the future of the insurance industry has now been viewed nine million times.

Over the course of a rambling, unprepared speech (written for him by an intern) that went on for over 18 minutes 43 seconds, Sir Cuthbert mused on the disruptive forces at play in the industry, provoked by the suggestion made recently by a deranged investment analyst that Google should buy American International Group.

“My intern – coincidentally the grandson or is it the granddaughter of my cousin Dudley Duddleston – tells me that an internet siege engine has been urged to buy AIG as a way of pulling its socks up and what have you,” Sir Cuthbert bellowed at the quickly comatose audience. “Why stop there? I mean wouldn’t it make sense for more insurers to join forces with interweb concerns like ubore, spluttify or myface (are these right?).”

Sir Cuthbert said that the insurance industry did have a long record of innovation having invented the paper clip and the ring binder but added that it had been left behind recently by the Internet of Thingummies, e-cigars and Large Data.

“Instead of lolling around excluding risks we should be joining forces with eg AIRBNB to create apps that launch drones capable of delivering bitcoin commissions to networked wholesale brokers in the cloud value chain it says here,” Sir Cuthbert shouted above the snoring.

“Indeed, Hapless Insurance is about to announce that we have effectively ‘uberised’ our distribution model by making it possible for any old Tom, Dick or Harry to bring business to us, so long as they are wearing a badge with their name on it,” Sir Cuthbert roared. “Once we are free of the tyranny that is Europe, I feel sure our far-sighted regulators will help us to realise this free market vision. Long live Boris.”

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News in tight briefs

News

Graduates are being put off applying for jobs in the risk business because of the jargon, according to a new survey by ServAdataHub Partners. The survey found that the words “reinsurance” and “insurance” were the biggest obstacles to attracting talent. The specific jargon term voted by graduates as most off putting is “legacy solution” followed by “non-fac”.

Russian insurtech start-up WannaCry Risk Partners is looking for funding among big insurance and reinsurance groups. A presentation circulated around industry CEOs and CFOs invites them to participate in the funding round by the end of the week or risk losing all their data.

Barron Trump has been made chief underwriting officer at Trump Re, the Mar A Lago based reinsurer that is in no way associated with Donald Trump. The 11 year old, who has no previous experience in reinsurance, will run the firm at arms’ length from the president although people have pointed out he has very short arms and that might be the point of the arrangement. President Trump is alleged to be preparing protectionist legislation that protects American reinsurance jobs.

 

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Insurance conference organisers hail Brexit/Trump etc etc

Events managers for the insurance industry have declared Brexit/Trump the saviours of the conference and seminar sector. A year ago, the sector was on the verge of disappearing, with literally no topics of any interest to insurance executives. But according to one conference organiser, the events of the last year have set the conference sector on course for three or four years of packed venues.

“Things were looking grim last year,” says Evangelista Bordereaux, chief executive greeter and head of goodie bags at InsureEventConfoSem. “We’d bled Solvency II dry, and once it came into force, it was history. Apparently, there won’t be a Solvency III for ages, which is a blow, and no-one really cares about ComFrame and all that, so we were well and truly stuffed. Then along came Brexit. And then Trump.Thank God. We’re saved.”

Conference organisers have seen a 1047% increase in attendees at conferences related to the impact of Brexit/Trump on the insurance industry. Despite no-one knowing what the impact will be, experts have been queuing up to give their views on what may or probably may not happen, if at all, to destroy the industry leading to a new dawn. Lawyers in particular have been pontificating on the legal aspects of Brexit that have yet to happen, and the legal implications of possible Trump decisions in the future.

“No-one knows what the impact of these earth-shattering events will be on the insurance industry, least of all the speakers at out conferences and seminars,” says Tarquin D Ductible, vice president of finger-food at ExpoInsureConf. “But that is missing the point. No-one comes to these events to learn anything. It is all about schmoozing and eating inappropriate food, one handed, from a paper plate. And drinking. And having a day out of the office. Ideally, a night too, and then the world is your oyster.”

Punters have been lapping up the predictions based purely on gut-feeling and wild guesswork. One serial-conference goer told Riskbitz he was none the wiser about anything, but has put on a stone and had become engaged to another serial-conference goer after a series of dates at Brexit seminars. “It’s great, our whole relationship is founded on a solid background of Brexit mis-information, which will stand us in good stead in the future,” he said. “I thought my conference days were over, and the only option was to go to tech conferences about blockchain and insurtech, and no-one wants that. Not after years of Solvency II.”

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