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Archive Stories
Archived stories from Jan 2007

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PPI providers hit back over protection racket claims

Consumer groups in the UK have described Payment Protection Insurance (PPI) as "a protection racket," compelling trading standards authorities to investigate the issue. As a large number of these policies have allegedly been mis-sold and rarely pay out, regulators are to investigate companies selling dodgy PPI policies with a view to naming and shaming those transgressing the law.

PPI cover - you got a
problem wid dat?

The move has been condemned by some members of the PPI market. Bernie "Sawn off shotgun" Edwards, head of PPI at Kneecaps Building Society, said that allegations of profiteering and money laundering were likely to be met with violence.

Frankie "I hear you've been a naughty boy, we'll have to teach you some manners" Davies, PPI enforcer at ExtortionLoans.com, said that it has received no complaints from anyone who was still alive. "We have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to complaints, as we have a reputation to protect."

PPI is a type of insurance that covers people in the event that they cannot repay loans or mortgages as a result of illness or unemployment. It is also know as debt insurance, and in some cases, right dodgy PPI is also called "protection money".

PPI can be sold on-line or via brokers, but it is also sold by a couple of ex-bouncers who visit you and show you their wide range of products including sledgehammers, crowbars, and baseball bats. "The policies are very popular and no-one refuses the boys," said another well-dodgy provider, Vinnie "Are you lookin' at me?" Madboy, chief financial officer at Hoodlum Loans Inc. "No-one. Ever. Once people know the benefits, and the repercussions of not buying one, they quickly sign up."

Legitimate sellers of PPI products have been quick to condemn the dodgy end of the market. "They're just gangsters most of them," said one. "Mind you, they have a bloody good take up rate, and hardly ever have to pay out. I'm in the wrong game."

Another heavy user of dodgy PPI policies, lender Goodfellas Bank, denied that protection payments were simply a protection racket. "Protection racket? Whaddya mean protection racket? Are you bustin' my balls?" said made man Luigi "Funny Guy" Biscotti. "We provide a service that is decent, fair and honest. You got an issue wid dat? We know where you live you schmuck?"

Other news from Jan 2007
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
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