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Archived stories from 2013

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Olympic Stadium to be new reinsurance marketplace

The future of the London 2012 Olympic Stadium has finally been assured with the announcement that it has been bought by a consortium of reinsurance companies. The consortium said it plans to turn the iconic athletics stadium into a reinsurance marketplace to rival Lloyd's, the LUC and Bermuda. This would involve removing the athletics track which has outraged the UK Athletics Association, which pointed to the commitment to having athletics at the stadium made at the time of London's Olympic bid.

An artist's impression of
how the new stadium will look

It will also involve removing most of the seating which has outraged the UK Seating Association, which pointed to the commitment to having seats at the stadium made at the time of London's Olympic bid. And it will also involve removing the bit in the middle of stadium which has outraged the UK Bit in the Middle Association, which pointed to the commitment to having a bit in the middle made at the time of London's Olympic bid.

However, the head of the consortium, Sir Norbert "Nobby" Johnson, Mocha Re's Chief executive and chairman, said the controversy was "waffle", "piffle" and "twaddle". "The fact is, we've made an absolutely stonking bid for the stadium, and we have made a number of commitments in order to satisfy the original terms of the awarding of the Olympics to London. The stadium will still be known as "The Olympic Stadium", or to give it its longer title: The London Underwriting Marketplace for Reinsurance (Olympic) Stadium. In addition, we have committed to retaining 50% of the food and beverage outlets, and quite a few of the toilets. And we have protected the athletics legacy by ensuring that football will never be played at the Stadium, along with athletics and other sports. Or indeed concerts."

The stadium will host 18 underwriting boxes, leaving plenty of room for brokers to queue up with their slips. Access around the stadium will be modern and highly technological and will whisk brokers from box to box via "walkways" and "pathways", and sometime stairs.

However, some brokers were unsure about the new stadium. One told RISKbitz, "Yes it will look very nice, yes it has some modern facilities, but I've got two major problems with it. One, it's got no bloody roof. Second, I had a hell of a job getting tickets for the Olympics - all I got was armchair boxing and tag archery. If it's anything like that, I'll never get anything underwritten. And third, oh, hang on?"

An underwriter pointed out that filling the stadium could be a problem. "I mean, it stands to reason, don't it? If you're getting crowds of around 30,000 maximum at Lloyd's United or LUCity, how are they gonna fill 80,000 seats? Shoulda let Tottenham knock it down and start again. COYS!"


Other news from Mar 2013
 
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
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