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Archived stories from 2009

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G20 anarchists destroy complacency at Mocha Re

Anarchists who stormed the London offices of global reinsurer Mocha Re as part of the G20 protests say they have returned the ailing company to profitability. Masked members of the Smash The City Fat Cats collective used battering rams to break down the glass entrance to Mocha Re's offices. After driving out the terrified staff, including the company's underwriters, the protesters set about tampering with the reinsurer's computer systems.

Riot police arrive too late to
stop Mocha Re
becoming profitable

"When we saw the parlous state of the company's books we felt really sorry for the company's shareholders and staff," said activist Red Dread Horace, "Their legacy business was a drag on profitability and their reinsurance recoverable position was crazy. Their stakeholders deserved better than that."

Having raided the staff canteen and prised open the vending machines for sustenance, the anarchists appointed a chief risk officer and carried out a root and branch overhaul of Mocha Re's risk management processes. "Even speaking as an anarchist, Mocha Re's business was a mess," said Crusty Bong Man, Mocha Re's new CRO. "No way was this company ready for the changes being heralded by Solvency II. I think we've got them in a much stronger competitive position."

The anarchists say they are almost ready to start receiving brokers again after reviewing the company's portfolio. "Mocha Re's approach to the US liability classes was cavalier to say the least. I think we got here just in time," said new chief underwriting officer Spliff Hammer Boy. "From now on the focus is going to be on European short term property classes. We will write a US cat book but very selectively."

Asked whether their action was in keeping with the anarchist philosophy, Red Dread Horace said that their intention was to destroy the status quo. "The status quo in the London market means maintaining a mediocre return on equity even when reinsurance rates are reasonably firm," Horace said. "We are out to, er, smash that kind of complacency and give the parasites of capitalism something to think about by, er, making a profit."

A spokesman for rating agency A. B. Waite said that Mocha Re's outlook had been improved by the anarchists' intervention and that the company would be receiving an upgrade forthwith. "We understand the anarchists are planning to redomicile Mocha Re to Bermuda as a way of giving the UK tax authorities the finger," said rating analyst Bob Notches. "Some people would call that antidisestablishmentarianism. We applaud it."


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