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“I can't even spell fackeltative, let alone underwrite it”
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Archive Stories
Archived stories from Dec 2019

Choose the month of the 2019 archive you would like to browse from the links below. You can choose other years to browse from the menu on the left.

RISKmas pantomime round-up

The LUC Theatre, London: Reinsurance CEO Dick Whittington has pledged never to return to London with his cat business having failed to raise any capital the first two times around. Whittington, who has worked for a number of start-ups, still believes his cat business can catch a number of private equity "rats" and will eventually make his fortune abroad. He is halfway up Highgate Hill when he hears the Bow Bells calling, ?Turn again Whittington thrice CEO of a cat XL reinsurer". But this time he decides to put his cat business on a ship and head to Bermuda. "Unless Boris can do anything about corporation tax in the City I don't have any other option," he says in the closing scene.

It's Chriiiistmaaaass!

Lime St Theatricals, London: Lloyd's syndicate Lostboys Ltd has launched a piracy insurance product designed to protect shippers and charterers operating in the pirate infested waters of Eastern Africa. Peter Pan, lead underwriter of the facility, says that he is not afraid of pirates. "This cover will prove invaluable to adults who unlike me cannot fly," he bravely declares. But pirate broker Captain Hook, a K&R specialist believes the cover will prove unworkeable unless he gets a new prosthetic arm. Multi-platform Lostboys also has an underwriting operation on the offshore domicile Neverland run by CEO Wendy Darling. "I do wish Peter would grow up and forget all this pirate nonsense," she says.

Theater Gnomische; Zurich: Mocha Re has appointed Al Addin head of emerging markets. Mocha Re PR spokesperson Widow Twankey says the creation of an emerging markets business is in line with Mocha Re's long held strategy of organic growth. "You can't just rub a magic lamp and expect growth to happen in this environment," says Twankey. "Oh yes you can," says Addin, vigorously rubbing his magic lamp to produce a genie. "My genius will magic up plenty of growth in the newly opened BRIC markets. These thick locals won't know what's hit them." "Oh yes we will," says clever finance ministry official Sinbad in an aside to the audience. "We will make sure Mocha Re only get the crap compulsory cession business and we will keep the best for ourselves."

Bonkers Theatre, Yonkers: Hot but scruffy risk manager Cyn de Rella of Pumpkin Inc had been told by her ugly superiors that she must not go on an all expenses paid junket to Florida with the company's fit but ineffective broker Prince Charmin Jnr IV. However, RISKbitz has learned that Pumpkin's CFO, Faye Gottmutter has fixed it. "You shall go to the ball but make sure you renew our multinational insurance programme at reduced premium and on better terms - and get home before the creep gets you pissed," she told de Rella. However Prince Charmin is unable to fit the MIP and de Rella gets together with Gottmutter to self finance Pumpkin's entire risk portfolio purchasing only catastrophe level cover in the market on a multiyear basis [this sounds like a pretty boring panto. Ed]


Other news from Dec 2019
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
the serious stuff
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