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Archive Stories
Archived stories from Dec 2019

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Insurance industry gives Obama cautious welcome

News of Barack Obama's election win was greeted with an outpouring of grief in insurance offices across the US. In New York, office workers began shuttering up insurance industry buildings across Manhattan in anticipation of the democrat government effectively regulating the industry out of existence.

Bermuda has been evacuated

Kurt N. Runne, spokesman for the Insurance Information Office of America, said that companies anticipated swingeing restrictions on their business, unworkable tariffs, nationalization and an obligation on insurers to pay huge claims on non-existent policies.

"A number of insurance CEOs have already written farewell letters to their loved ones because they confidently expect to be executed by a new Federal supervisor as soon as Obama takes office," Runne told RISKbitz, wringing his hands in despair.

Brokers expect to be worst hit under the new Democrat regime, however, following contingent commission scandals during the Bush era. Insiders believe that lists are already being drawn up as government officials finalise plans for a broker pogrom. A spokesman for Mega Broker Inc told RISKbitz that most of his colleagues expected MBI to change its business model next year: "We will essentially be a not for profit organization," he said glumly. "At least those of us that are left."

The election win also prompted an unprecedented evacuation of Bermuda by insurance companies that do business in the US. In scenes reminiscent of the withdrawal of British troops from Dunkirk in the second war, Bermuda's beaches were filled with insurance industry executives waiting to be lifted off the island in advance of the new federal supervisor, Dick Taytor, shutting down their companies and charging them all with treason and un-American activities.

A flotilla of luxury yachts was last night headed for the tax friendly offshore domiciles of Bermuda and Cayman to carry away senior managers who only recently were looking to make their tax-free fortunes there. "I can't believe this is happening," said one reinsurance underwriter pointing to a US Navy gunboat on the horizon. "Catastrophes used to be something that happened to other people - preferably uninsured people."

Adding fuel to the controversy, Cuban leader Fidel Castro has said that he will allow Bermudian and Cayman registered companies to redomicile to his island. "We have a very competitive cost of living and a simple regulatory framework," Mr Castro gloated. "And importantly for the fat cats of reinsurance, an unlimited supply of the finest handrolled cigars in the world."


Other news from Dec 2019
 
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