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Archived stories from Apr 2019

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Sir Nobby in prostitute vice sting

Sir Norbert "Nobby" Johnson, Mocha Re's chief executive, has been caught in a tabloid sting paying 37 quid for the services of Miss Whiplash, a Soho dominatrix.

The revelations showed that Sir Nob enjoyed long sessions with the whip-wielding leather-clad stiletto-heeled sadist. He was filmed being spanked whilst shouting "I've been a naughty boy offering contingent commissions." He was also alleged to have been involved in a depraved act known only as "bid rigging".

Who's been a naughty boy?

The tabloid said that a cheese grater and several sheets of sandpaper were found in the room.

Sir Nobby was initially unrepentant, saying that he would talk to his wife and persuade her not to kill him. But he later acknowledged that he had been caught with his trousers down, his fingers "in the till" and dipping into assets. But he refused to accept any responsibility and said it was the fault of the dominatrix.

"I mean, dash it all, if you spend money like that, you expect discretion," said Sir Nobby. "Lady Norbert isn't at all happy, not surprisingly. In fact, she's bloody furious. This absolutely puts paid to next month's skiing trip to Gstaad with the Hendersons."

Miss Whiplash, real name Kathy O'Ninetails, blamed the sub-prime crisis. "Until recently, these businessmen paid a fortune for us to keep schtum about their depravity. Now, they just don't have the bonuses to spend on us any more." She said in future she would concentrate on aspiring politicians and motor sports bosses.

Sir Nob, the well known insurance degenerate, said he blamed former New York attorney general, former NY governor, and former Sheriff of Wall Street Eliot Spritzer. "If he hadn't messed up the whole commissions thingy, we'd have ridden out the sub-prime crisis and I wouldn't have been forced to go cut price."

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