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Archive Stories
Archived stories from 2008

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Brokers applaud outbreak of Norovirus

Brokers and risk advisors have welcomed the outbreak of norovirus in the UK at a time of year that is usually slow on bad news. Doctors estimate that more than 100,000 people a second are catching norovirus, which causes headlines, diarrhoea and vomiting.

Watch out for
the vomiting virus

Norovirus - also known as winter vomiting disease - is the most common cause of infectious gastroenteritis in the UK. "But the word norovirus is scary and like something out of Torchwood so we're going to pepper our press releases with it," said Toby Crapfest, communications manager of Mega Brokers Inc.

News of the norovirus, which has caused the closure of millions of hospital wards across the country but created kilometres of column inches, comes after brokers have worn out their scare stories about pandemic avian ?flu.

"We got back into the office after the new year scratching our heads over a new scare story to put out to clients and media," said Jeremy Nigel, press relations manager at Bigga Brokers PLC. "Imagine our delight when this squits thing hit the fan. What a stroke of luck."

The downside of the outbreak is that people struck down by the stomach bug have been urged not to go back to work. Workers need to remain at home for 48 hours after the symptoms have gone and stay away from surgeries and hospitals, the Royal College of GPs has warned. Many insurance industry staff, who are natural born skivers, have used the bug as an excuse to stay away from work and extend their holiday period.

"I did feel a bit icky on Monday morning but I put it down to the absinthe breezers I was caning the night before," broking assistant Tracey Dingbat told RISKbitz. "My boyfriend, who works in the IT department said we had probably caught that rhino virus so we stayed in bed and just ate Pringles."

Brokers' risk consultants are suggesting businesses take the following measures:

  • Buy norovirus insurance
  • Undertake a norovirus audit of your human capital
  • Install Glade air fresheners at the entrance of premises
  • Buy more norovirus insurance
  • Publicly urge staff to stay away from work if they feel unwell
  • Privately keep a list of the hypochondriacs and shirkers who fail to come in.

Other news from Jan 2008
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
the serious stuff
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