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Archive Stories
Archived stories from Nov 2019

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I'm a Catastrophe Underwriter Get me Out of Here

The latest reality TV show to hit the screens has broken all records. The show, ?Survivor 2 - I?m a Catastrophe Underwriter Get me Out of Here,? has recorded the lowest ever television viewing audience (7) on its first weekend. The show involves a number of insurance sector professionals, including an actuary, a reinsurance broker, an underwriter, a broker, a lawyer, an analyst and a risk manager, all stranded on an island, totally alone apart from the 300+ members of the production company.

Underwriter forced
to eat soldier ants

The island has practically no facilities apart from an 18 hole golf course and a Michelin-starred restaurant. The contestants sleep on hammocks, cook on an open fire and must wash in a nearby stream. Maid service and trouser presses are available.

On the first morning, the lawyer was tied to a tree and has been there ever since. The reinsurance broker has gone native, having stripped to his Y-fronts, covered himself with mud, and gone hunting for truffles. The risk manager has gone on hunger strike, demanding that the broker disclose everything. However, the broker said she was down to her bikini and she wasn?t going any further, despite the offer from the analyst to help ?lower her rating?. As a result of her transparency, she is now the favourite to win.

The underwriter has undergone a Bush Tucker trial in which he was forced to offer a rate reduction on a product liability policy for a US pharmaceutical company, with full terror cover, whilst eating soldier ants, grubs and a scorpion.

The makers of the sister TV reality show ?I?m An Actuary Get me Out of Here? have been criticised by the independent watchdog after millions of viewers called in to complain. The programme, in which actuaries are called upon to perform unpleasant tasks in a secret offshore location, was described by the watchdog as degrading and obscene.

Stripped of their grey suits and biros, the normally mild mannered actuaries were forced to subsist on a diet of insects, worms and Pret a Manger sandwiches. Then, dressed in scraps of clothes made from pages of mortality tables, they had to calculate the life expectancy of their fellow contestants while being showered with matured chimpanzee urine. Cont p4

Other news from Nov 2019
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
the serious stuff
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