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Archive Stories
Archived stories from 2014

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Responding to calls for greater openness, flexibility and transparency, catastrophe modelling firm Models R Us is to allow users to construct model platforms using their own glue and their own balsa wood. The model shop, which is based at 38 Chertsey High St, said users could also develop their own hair driers to simulate windstorms and even bring their own watering cans to simulate precipitation. ?It?s up to them,? said MRU CEO Martin Geekman. ?They?ll still ignore what the model tells them.?

Low interest rates continue to be a drag on insurers? performance. Insurance company recruitment specialists touring the UK?s universities say interest rates from students are at an all time low. Students who manage to get out of bed or sacrifice time that could be spent watching daytime TV in order to attend recruitment fairs were unaware of the opportunities offered by the insurance sector. ?Will I have to dress up like a bulldog? I?m not doing that mate, I get claustrophobia,? said media studies student Grant Bigdett.

A survey has shown that nearly all of the world?s insurance markets outside Europe have achieved Solvency II equivalence status ? ahead of Solvency II being implemented. The list of 569 compliant countries from Andorra to Zimbabwe is likely to embarrass the European Commission?s finance directorate head, Rip Van Winkle when he finally wakes up. Kryl Waleskyn, head of the Faroe Islands financial services commission said, ?I don?t know what the big deal is with Solvency II. It took us an afternoon to sort it out. But then we don?t have any insurance companies.? STOP PRESS: The EC has issued a statement saying its Omnibus will be later than expected and that Solvency II may not now happen until 2020.

The European reinsurance hub Zurich is to acquire Bermuda, according to a statement from the National Office of Merger Enterprises in Switzerland (NOMES). A NOMES spokesman said that a number of Bermuda companies had already sent their nameplates to Zurich and more would soon follow. ?With Congress ready to legislate against Bermuda as a tax efficient centre we figured we could acquire all its assets and let it get on with being a holiday destination that people can actually afford to go to,? NOMES said. ?Meanwhile, tax wise we?ll do what the hell we like.? STOP PRESS: Qatar is said to be in talks to acquire Zurich. Insiders say the entire city will be dismantled and rebuilt in a dome, complete with false snow, in the gas-rich state.

Other news from Feb 2014
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
the serious stuff
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