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Archive Stories
Archived stories from 2014

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RISKbitz announces London market awards winners

There was hardly a dry seat in the house at the function room of the Travel Hut Motel, junction 21 of the M25 last night as guest celebrity impersonator Mickey Gervaise unveiled this year's RISKbitz London Market industry awards. Dining on a three course meal of pie, followed by jellied eels and then cockle ice cream, attendees were entertained by the "Rockney" duo Chas & Dave.

Awards ceremony was a sell-out

First up to collect his award was Bow Bell Broker's Arthur Chapp, winner of the Perennial London Market Broker. "What a turn-up, what a knees up, don't get the breeze up, aye aye,"Chapp said in his incomprehensible Mockney acceptance speech. "I'm in a right two and eight. The best frog and croaker [broker] in all of London tahn? Would you adam and eve it? Wait till I tell the trouble and strife."

Best alternative capital provider went to international drug lord and arms dealer Vitaly Pyschovitch, who successfully financed the London-based Triple A rated cat reinsurer Hades Inc with suitcases full of bitcoins, the virtual currency used by criminals on the so-called dark net. Wearing mirror shades and speaking on an internet link from his hideout near Chechynya, Pyschovitch warned his new staff and trading partners not to double cross him or he would kill them all - personally.

Most admired public relations executive went to Polly Posh-Tottie, head of PR for Mega Re. "Like I'm lost for words no really I mean wow awesome. Totes. Lol," Posh-Tottie gurgled. "I must take everyone out to lunch and stuff. It's amazing and cool isn't it but can I check quotes before you go to press on this otherwise my really annoying boss will like, go mental you know?"
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In the special awards category, underwriter Miles Airbrain won the prize for most sustainable reinsurance executive. Airbrain has a ?green' underwriting box at Lloyd's that is powered from broker biomass. "Brokers are full of biomass, I get tons of it off them every day and so I thought why not put it to some use," Airbrain said. "I even get broker biomass from neighbouring underwriters who don't know what to do with it. Don't half pong though."

Eighteen year old former DJ Ryan Merkin took first prize in the new category of Best Rising Star. Merkin was recently appointed intangible risk underwriter at Boghas Solutions Partners and has launched a series of new products into the corporate risk market. Awards judges especially praised his ?Directors & Trousers' risk transfer solution for executives suffering wardrobe malfunctions leading to loss of face. Merkin said, "If the insurance industry is to grow it needs to make up non-existent risks and sell cover to gullible corporates with more money than sense."


Other news from Feb 2014
 
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
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