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Archived stories from 2013

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Reinsurer took performance-enhancing measures

Mocha Re's chief executive and chairman, Sir Norbert "Nobby" Johnson, has admitted that the reinsurer took illegal performance-enhancing measures, including capital injections. Sir Norbert made the confession in an interview with Global Rebore's top journalist Kate Astrophe. Sir Nobby has been stripped of his seven "Best reinsurer" titles awarded by Global Rebore.

The widely anticipated interview began with the startling confession from Sir Nob. Ms Astrophe asked him whether Mocha Re had ever taken banned measures to enhance its underwriting performance, whether one of those banned measures was IPO, and whether it used illegal capital infusions and cash injections. The answer, to every question, from the Nob was "Yes".

He was asked whether it was humanly possible to win ?Best Reinsurer' seven times without the measures. "Not in my opinion," he replied. "I didn't invent the culture, but I didn't try to stop the culture."

A report by USACA (United States Anti-Competition Agency) found that Mocha Re was engaged in serial cheating, including the use of time and distance policies, loss reserve discounting, and financial reinsurance. Sir Nobby was singled out as the leader, although he was helped by an "army of enablers", including accountants, lawyers, and actuaries.

The Nobster was asked whether he could get someone fired if he wasn't satisfied with their performance. "Yes, I was a bully. But I was also the CEO and I think you'll find that actually, I'm allowed to do that."

Ms Astrophe asked him if he felt he was cheating the market. "No, I looked up the definition of cheat on Wikipedia and apparently it means gaining an unfair advantage. That wasn't what we were doing. We leveling the playing field with Bermuda, Cayman and all those other tax havens. They were all at it."

Mocha Re is currently being sued by everyone in the market. "Yes, it's our own fault, we rashly sued anyone who said we were acting illegally, which was everyone, and now they want their money back. But we haven't got it. We used it to pay claims for Hurricane Katrina."

Mocha Re was banned from operating in the market last year as a result of the allegations. It is believed that Sir Nobby's confession was made in an attempt to have that decision reversed. It is thought Mocha Re is keen to take advantage of the hardening market, though in reality the reinsurer is unlikely to be allowed to operate in the general property-casualty field, though it may be allowed to indulge in some captive reinsurance or some specialty business.

Other reinsurance leaders were quick to condemn Sir Norbert. "He's been a bloody fool," said Sir Dudley "Dumbo" Duddleston, Chief Executive of Hoggwartz Global Insurance. "Should have kept his ruddy mouth shut. They'll be after all of us now. Uh-oh, said too much."

Gollum Re, Chief executive Burl Juggernaut III, said the Mocha Re had abused the system and deserved to be stripped of its seven Global Rebore Awards. "It's not fair on reinsurers like ourselves that acted honourably and honestly by buying dozens of tables at the awards ceremony and sponsoring the whole thing for two years, not to mention advertising in the magazine. We spent a goddamn fortune and never got the top award, just "Best IT implantation" and The Innovation Award. It totally stinks."

The seven "Best reinsurer" awards are being auctioned off to the highest bidder by Global Rebore.

Late News: Gollum Re wins seven "Best reinsurer" Global Rebore awards at rearranged ceremonies (a table for ten just $12,000).


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