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Archive Stories
Archived stories from 2013

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Reinsurance Oscar winners announced

The 85th Reinsurance Academy Awards ceremony, has taken place in Hollyoaks. The Awards were hosted by comedian and part-time actuary, Rhett Rosession. Zero Dark Thirsty, an action movie in which special broker forces raid a shuttered hotel bar at 3AM liberating a bottle of brandy, was voted best picture. Solvency II Playbook, a long running saga from EIOPA studios won the award for worst production design while Ratefall, a no action movie about a Lloyd?s underwriter cutting everyone?s legs off, won the award for unoriginal screenplay.

Rhett Rosession, crazed host of the awards

Les Miserables, a dark comedy about an Essex loss adjuster who has to assess the damage to the interior of the Carnival Triumph cruise liner, won the award for smell-o-vision. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, a fantasy epic about a diminutive broker who gets lost on his way to Baden-Baden, won the award for visual effects. The award for best actuarial film went to Life of Pi while Wreck-It Ralph, the story of a management consultant brought in to restore the fortunes of a Bermuda start-up, won best animated film. The flies on the hotel wall Monte Carlo Unclaimed [Is that meant to be a reference to Django Unchained? These film puns are terrible. Ed], was voted best documentary.

The night?s most prestigious individual award, for best reinsurance director, went to Mocha Re?s chief executive and chairman Sir Norbert ?Nobby? Johnson. Sadly, Sir Nobby was unable to make it to the stage, due to being staggeringly drunk, but made his acceptance speech from under the table: ?Thank you, this is so un?unexpectacled. This is for the little people. You know, what are they called? The children, that?s it. Without whom none of us would be there.?

The award for best reinsurance executive in a leading role went, as expected, to Burl Juggernaut III, Gollum Re?s chief executive, who was unable to be at the awards, but accepted his award on Twitter: ?Oh yes, Get in! Yeah! Damn! That?s what I?m talking about. Who da man? Yeah, Gangnam style! In your face, Nobby #HumbledByAward? The award for best reinsurance executive in a supporting role, presented by the Mumloss twins Max E and Minnie, went to Evangelista Bordereaux, senior chav at Burber Re.

The award for best foreign language reinsurer went to De Baucher Re and was accepted on behalf of the firm by its chief executive Jean-Claude Bidet. He said in his speech, delivered in French, that he was pleased to have received the award, but had hoped to win the overall best reinsurer award: ?Mais ce qui peut vous pr?voir d'une organisation am?ricaine ? vous et vos Freedom Fries et vos insultes ?surrender monkey?. Je ne regrette riens. Ca plane pour moi. God Bless America!?

Other news from Mar 2013
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
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