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Archived stories from 2011

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G4's latest risk report highlights danger of risks

The Global Group of Global Groups (G4) has released its latest report, ?Big, Scary Risks 2011?, which identifies lots and lots of really concerning risk concerns concerning risk, or something, and highlights the very real danger of risks. The report?s conclusions were stark: ?Risks are dangerous. Really dangerous.?

This year?s risks include systemic governance, interconnected connectivity, fiscal pandemics, corporate scarcity, extreme infrastructure, and macroeconomic nano-proliferation. Other risks include static climates, reality TV, nuclear families, wasps, state-funded governments, and Justin Bieber.

The press conference was brought to an early close when trainee journalist Alec Smart of Global Rebore International asked if all the risks identified in last year?s report, ?Big, Scary Risks 2010?, were no longer a threat.

After an uneasy 10 minute silence, a spokesman for the G4 panel of risk experts said that er, most of the risks identified in last year?s report had receded - but may return. Unsystemic governance, connected interconnectivity, fiscal shortages, corporate excess, limited infrastructure, and microeconomic nano-speculation were still lurking in the background.

?It is so unfair. We have worked really hard to come up with some new risks that are causing concern,? G4?s teenaged spokesperson, Kate Astrofee said off the record after an agreeable launch. ?The trouble is, we?ve done a few of these reports now and we?re running out of risks. The last thing we want to do is produce a report which has all the same risks in it as last year?s report. No-one would read it. ?

Harvard J Thwakkenbakker IV, senior vice at management consultants V?cU?usity, said, ?It is a risk in and of itself, this continuity of threat paradigms and the lack of identifiable new threats when you are publishing a brand new report. Risks won?t always reveal themselves, the future arrives before the past has completely disappeared and Black Swans are hard to see in the dark.?

STOP PRESS: The G4 has appointed V?cU?usity?s Harvard J Thwakkenbakker IV to advise it on the editorial content of Big Scary Risks 2012


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