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Archived stories from 2011

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CEO freaks IT audience at congress

The CEO of a leading insurance IT company has offered to resign after admitting that he doesn?t know what his company actually does and pulling old skool hiphop moves in front of a conference audience. ?While I can confirm that we are positioned in the leader?s quadrant as one of the world?s largest global providers of comprehensive enterprise solutions, I don?t actually know what we do any more,? Geekfest said to gasps from the audience at the recent CM Solutions Expo 2011 in Frankfurt.

It's enough to drive anyone bonkers

?It says on my autocue that the integrated market for parallel customer management (CM) contact center business process outsourcing (BPO) continues to expand as end-buyers shift their focus from brittle cost containment to softer organic growth ? both revenue and profit ? and self-service improvements,? Geekfest said. ?But I don?t know or care what that means any more. Shabba!?

Reverting to his autocue and flashing slides too quickly for his audience to take in, Geekfest continued: ?DataProLapsE?s visionary role in defining and executing best-in-class customer management solutions has been the difference-maker for Global 1000 leaders seeking to leverage unparalleled performance with contact center, technology and revenue-generation services. But whoa - so what??

Now rambling incoherently, inexpertly breakdancing and playing rubbish Daft Punk tracks over the PA from his iPhone, Geekfest was eventually wrestled from the podium by his director of marketing, who completed the presentation.

Dead-eyed delegates leaving the hall said they were impressed by Geekfest?s honesty. ?As a trusted advisor and strategic partner, DataProLapsE created complete global solutions that deliver maximum impact at every stage of the customer life cycle interface,? said one. ?And while they solve clients? biggest challenges and help them to achieve their most ambitious goals through leading-edge customer innovation, revenue generation and multi-channel technology solutions, they won?t be getting my business after this debacle.?

Another intoned, ?Leaders demonstrate market-defining vision and the ability to execute against that vision through CM contact center BPO services, including a cross-section of vertical industries, deep technology to leverage, and above-average out of body customer experience. But I think DataProLapsE CEO Geekfest no longer speaks our language.?

A spokesman for DataProlapsE blamed Geekfest?s behaviour on overwork and said he would return to work after re-programming at their Poughkeepsie campus.

Other news from Apr 2011
Travelating the Wave of Insurability
the serious stuff
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