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Archived stories from 2009

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Obama latest - Gitmo to be new captive domicile

As part of its strategy to scale back the so-called war on terror, President-elect Obama has announced plans to turn the Guantanamo Bay detention camp into a captive insurance domicile. Captive managers have welcomed the move as it has become increasingly difficult to grow business on Bermuda and other established domiciles due to the high cost of living in these locations.

?We expect Gitmo to be real competitive yes sir compared to established enemy ah mean neighbouring domiciles, sir,? said Sergeant Buzz Nuttah, newly appointed insurance supervisor in the facility. ?Bermuda has flexible regulation yes sir. But this here Camp X Ray is outside of any jurisdiction if you get my drift sir. We can be real flexible. Or inflexible. Just depends what kinda mood I?m in on the day sir.?

The world?s premier captive domicile, Bermuda, is an expensive place to do business and staff retention is a problem. No such problems exist in Guantanamo Bay, which is naval base on the coast of Cuba. Officials say that once detainees have been pardoned they will be trained to administer captive insurers from their protected cells. Each former detainee will have his own risk portfolio to manage and will be incentivised to keep the portfolio?s combined ratio below 100.

Captives that maintain a stable combined ratio below 100 will be rewarded with extra rations. But when combined ratios exceed 100, the managers will be waterboarded.

The Bush administration was under pressure to close the detention camp for several years following criticism from human rights groups about conditions there. But the new insurance supervisor defended the island regime. ?The cuisine from the canteen is better than anything available on the Isle of Man sir yes sir,? said Sergeant Nuttah. ?And though we ain?t got a proper golf course yet sir we got a mighty fine exercise yard for the guys to walk around when they ain?t looking at their books.?

Captive industry watchers expect growth in the number of captive formations as the insurance market hardens and Camp X-Ray will be strongly promoting itself as an alternative domicile, insiders say. ?We see a lot of flights coming in here from other locations,? said one anonymous source. ?See, extraordinary rendition is an effective means of adding captives and fast. Whether they like it or not. Yes sir.?

Other news from Feb 2009
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